The Traitors, and the mind-reading trap
With its high-octane challenges (sheep-identification and bell-ringing, anyone?), stunning Scottish setting and cut-throat gameplay, The Traitors has had us gripped to our screens since the winter of 2022, forever changing our relationship to hooded bathrobes and suspicious fringes. From the start, it has been what the kids call ‘iconic’ TV, gifting us new cultural scions such as original Traitor queen Amanda, rose-swilling Diane, not-Welsh Charlotte, and future Oscar-winner Linda. It’s also given us insight into the gradual mind-melting of a cohort of contestants, as they try to navigate the endless psychological maze that is a group of strangers working out who they can trust.
As each series begins, contestants arrive fresh-faced and confident that their task can’t possibly be that difficult. This is because they, like many of us, are labouring under the belief that it’s easy to tell what someone else is thinking and feeling, just by watching and interacting with them. The Faithful are convinced that the Traitors will not be able to hide their emotions, so immediately look accusingly at the members of the group who seem to be having the ‘wrong’ reaction to the circumstances. What quickly becomes evident is that, as we learned in GCSE English, ‘there’s no art to find the mind’s construction in the face’ (that’s King Duncan, in Macbeth – a thrillingly appropriate reference for a show set in a Scottish castle, very pleased with that!). Unfortunately, the Faithful are always resoundingly incorrect in their belief that mind-reading is possible.
This question of mind-reading is one that often comes into the therapy room, when we talk about communication in our relationships. Communication is a skill in two parts: the speaking part, and the hearing part. Both are things to practice and develop, as neither are necessarily easy. Assuming that ‘mind-reading’ is possible is an error we can fall into on both sides of the communication bridge: we might not fully say what we mean, assuming that someone will just ‘get’ what we’re inferring, or we may find ourselves imagining that even though someone has said one thing, they actually mean something else. Sometimes, we can totally miss the opportunity to communicate because we assume we’ve understood a situation, without stopping to sense-check our assumption with the other party.
However, as someone whose job puts me in the privileged position of talking to people about their emotions every day, I can say with certainty that we are - mostly -absolutely terrible at guessing what other people are feeling. This is partly because there’s no ‘one way’ any given emotion presents (e.g. crying can indicate someone is sad, but also that they’re scared, furious, joyful, or even hungry, depending on the context), and partly because our feelings are never ‘just one’ thing – we’re usually able to name a few different feelings we’re experiencing in any given moment, because there’s a lot of nuance to our emotional world. Although it may feel counter-intuitive, our perception of what’s going on for others – especially people we haven’t spent much time with, as for the contestants on The Traitors - based on the interpretation of body language alone, does not give us as full a story as we imagine.
So, The Traitors demonstrates both our persistence of the belief in the possibility of mind-reading, and how far we are from that in reality. It also shows that the contestants are desperate to find a sense of safety and certainty by forming allegiances with each other, and that they stick to these with fierce loyalty, despite a lack of evidence of trustworthiness. The need to believe the people they trust becomes more important than other strategies that could help them more in the game – continuing to question others, and remaining open to doubt.
While life in The Traitors bears little semblance to our own (although I would be delighted to integrate their breakfast spreads IRL), it is useful to remember that we are as hopeless as the Faithful when it comes to trying to guess what’s going on for others, even though we may feel equally tempted to try to. Fortunately, ‘mind-reading’ is neither useful, necessary, nor desirable – we can always ask instead of assuming, and be open to exploring someone else’s perspective with them. Having those conversations is in fact what brings us closer to people, and what forms trusting, healthy relationships. So, while mind-reading is not a super-power we can access, good communication is – and that’s something to which we can commit, as 100% faithful.